Ascension Blog

A parishioner emailed me these church bulletin bloopers, and I wanted to share them with you all. Our congregation, like these bulletin announcements, certainly is not perfect. We are fallen folks who are doing the best we can to follow our Lord and live in community with each other. As God sheds his mercy and forgiveness upon us, may we strive to extend mercy and grace upon each other. May we learn to love and laugh and live in the abundance of God’s grace. May God grant you a joyful Advent day!

Here are the bloopers. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon
tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care
much about you.
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Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all
the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is
Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice .
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment
and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park
across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All
ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is
done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation
would lend him their electric girdles f or the pancake breakfast next
Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please
use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend
this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian
Church.. Please use large double door at the side entrance..
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan
last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.’

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 3rd, 2009 at 10:02 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.